Firstly - A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered a caption for the FGES competition! Secondly, it has been very tough to judge; I know this is a very cliché thing to say, but it's true.
These are the captions that tickled my fancy, I'm not saying that they all didn't tickle my fancy... but these are those that tickled the most....
They may have gotten everything else, but I'll be damned if they're going to repossess my crooked chair! - Rimpy
What do you mean..."inappropriate attire for Royal Ascot."? - Dinah
"Don't you wish your Elf Shorts were HOT.....LIKE .....MINE!?!?" - Damien
"the chair instruction pamphlet didn't include a 'this way is forward' diagram" - Wendy
Wearing these green shorts,
If you enter the sports
That make up the London Olympics,
You’ll show off your arse
When you start run fast
And be a great help to people with limp dicks - Affer
"Do these shorts make my hat look big?" - Blazing Scarlet
Attracted by her impromptu Marlene Deitrich antics, the lawn gnomes crept closer. 'Phooar! You got the cellie, take her picture, Winky!' hissed Happy. 'We'll be wanting this for the wall behind the lav back at the hollow old oak!'
'Hang on,' replied the breathless gnome 'I'm gettin a nut.' - Ms Nations
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the freakin green elf shorts belong,
they belong to kabuki.
"I don't care how many times you have laundered those old things or tizzied them up with festive bunting... The chair hides nothing! I can still smell essence of Beast!" - Princess
"Dang my britches, Ms Scarlet, you sure have some perrdy legs. Shame about the shorts" - Mr Big Dog
"Kill me" - SID
On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take-twentythree of the "wedgie" scene. - Mr Devine
Is this the audition for Flashdance the Musical? I've reprised the role somewhat.. - Ms Roses
The recession had got so bad that prison services were reduced to just bars and no walls – it was only the ludicrous new prison garb that stopped any but the most untrendy of prisoners from absconding....
- Mr Logs
"Scarlet first suspected that her new Princess Albertina wasn't gold when her knickers began to turn green." - Mr Hunnt
Lady Gaga celebrating Lizzie's birthday - Pete
"Modelling for the Turner Prize was not what she expected ..." - Mr Mags
"Alice, come back!" - Eryl
'When you've got a pair of Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts life is a cabaret old chum; life is a freakin' cabaret.' - Happy Froggy
I'm freakin' invisible, betches! - KDNA
Is this audition for The Prisoner going to last much longer? I'm dying for a pee.... - Nick
With or without the shorts Ms Keeler would have made more of a commotion had she used this chair. - Mr Bill
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to rain over us:
God save Miss Scarlet!
- Mr Lax
AND THE WINNER IS....... HUGE DRUM ROLL.... X FACTOR LONG PAUSE............... STILL PAUSING..... MORE PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT......
Oh, I don't know... check back at midday BST, when I will announce the winner of the FGES Competition 2012.
THE WINNER IS.... OPENS GOLD ENVELOPE.... Mr Devine for the caption: On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take twenty-three of the "wedgie" scene.
And runner up Kabuki wins the hat.... Kabuki deserves a crown.... not a pair of shorts.
Oh, and there will also be a very small something for the most reluctant entry, Mr Lax.